had another go today still not got to the root of the problem although it is definately an earth issue
replaced the whole under bonnet fuse box - difficult to tell but one of the wires to the ELD look a bit singed
cleaned all the contacts on all the bulbs as there was a fair bit of green ox on some of them
there is power to both headlight connectors and now we are getting dim headlights and brighter high beams than before
i guess a shortcut would be to add an extra earth connection to each of the headlights
so i still need to get to the earth points at the front wings but that means removing the wings and im going to buy some new headlight and high beam connectors and then im going to swap back to the old stock ecu and then i will have to look at the ICModule at the back of the interior fuse box but im leaving that till last
i would still appreciate any thoughts others may have on this
on a positive note the car is going really well with the chipped ecu running on 95 ron unleaded i even got the distributor timed up with some help from Merlin